Coffee & Crying

Care as infrastructure

By Meghan Montelibano

“Hey, are you Santa Fam? I love your Instagram. I use your calendar every day!”

It’s something I hear often, and it never gets old.

While my name is not actually Santa Fam (it’s Meghan, hi!), this passion project has become a meaningful part of my identity. Santa Fam is an Instagram account and community resource that helps parents and caregivers of young children ages 0 to 5 find each other, find resources, and feel like they belong. What began as a simple social media page has grown into a trusted hub where families can access information about free and low-cost activities through the Santa Fam Calendar, early childhood programs, caregiver support, family-friendly local businesses, and advocacy opportunities in Santa Fe. I also host monthly caregiver meet-ups called Coffee & Crying, which have become a cornerstone of this community.

Building Santa Fam has changed me. It has clarified what I value, reshaped how I understand leadership, and deepened my belief that care, when organized intentionally, can be a powerful force for change.

Santa Fam exists because I needed it. Like many families who move to Santa Fe, my husband and I arrived during a season of transition. I was a new parent, navigating postpartum mental health challenges while caring for an infant with medical needs, adjusting to a new place, and trying to build community during a time when connection felt fragile. I was overwhelmed, but what stood out most wasn’t just exhaustion. It was isolation. There was lots of coffee and crying. I loved Santa Fe, but I struggled to find my footing as a caregiver.

What I noticed wasn’t a lack of resources. There were incredible programs, organizations, and events for families. What was missing was a way to find them easily. Information was scattered across flyers, Facebook groups, word of mouth, and websites that assumed caregivers had time and energy to search. As a new parent, that gap felt enormous.

So I started sharing what I was finding. At first, Santa Fam was just my personal Instagram account. I’d post about a library program, a sing-along in the park, or a free event on the Plaza, adding details I always wanted to know myself: where to park, whether strollers were doable, what the vibe was like. Almost immediately, other caregivers responded with relief and excitement. “I didn’t know this existed.” “I wish someone had told me sooner.” “Can you keep posting things like this?”

What surprised me most was how quickly information turned into connection. Caregivers began messaging one another in the comments. People shared resources I didn’t know about. Caregivers who had felt invisible suddenly saw themselves reflected back.

That’s when I realized Santa Fam wasn’t just about information, it was about belonging. Over time, Santa Fam grew into something more intentional and I created the Santa Fam Calendar. Ihe goal was simple: Reduce the mental load. Instead of searching multiple platforms, families could open one calendar and see what’s happening in their community.

As Santa Fam grew, I recognized that information alone isn’t enough. Creating IRL spaces for connection was desperately needed. That’s how Coffee & Crying was born, quite literally. In a hospital room at Presbyterian, hours after giving birth to my second son, I was terrified of feeling that isolation again. My husband encouraged me, saying, “Why don’t you send an open invite on Santa Fam? See if anyone shows up, and you might make a new friend?”

That open invite and an ask to Baked & Brew to donate some coffee to “a bunch of sad moms,” – which they did with no hesitation, had 75 people show up on a sunny morning at Alto Park. Now, Coffee & Crying is a monthly gathering where caregivers come together to drink coffee and talk openly about raising young children. Sometimes there are tears. Sometimes laughter. Babies are welcome. No one is expected to have it together. The name itself is an invitation: come as you are, totally, completely, authentically.

What might look like a casual meet-up is actually something more structured. Each Coffee & Crying gathering is supported by a local business that donates coffee or space. That means there is no cost to attend, and caregivers can show up without financial barriers. It also means local businesses become active participants in community care. In less than two years, Coffee & Crying has supported more than 2,500 caregivers, parents, grandparents, and guardians across Santa Fe. For many, it’s the first time they’ve spoken honestly about how hard and beautiful caregiving can be. For others, it’s where they make their first friend. For all of us, it’s a reminder that we are not alone.

What Santa Fam has accomplished isn’t flashy, but it’s meaningful. Families have found programs they didn’t know existed. Caregivers have built friendships that extend beyond the gatherings. Local businesses have connected with families in authentic ways. Information has become more accessible. Isolation has been interrupted. Perhaps most importantly, Santa Fam has shown what’s possible when care is treated as essential infrastructure. I am usually working on Santa Fam contorted in my children’s bed as they doze off to sleep, typing away on my phone, creating programming and content to the soundtrack of “nature sleep sounds.”

Santa Fam is not a nonprofit. It’s not grant-funded. It’s a sad mom who built a platform through trust, consistency, and collaboration. I didn’t start it because I had all the answers. I started it because I had questions and anxieties, and it is clear that others shared in that experience.

What it means to me to have built this space is hard to articulate. It means witnessing caregivers exhale when they realize they’re not alone. It means watching strangers become friends. It means understanding that leadership doesn’t always look like being in charge, it can look like holding space.

Santa Fam has taught me that systemic change doesn’t always begin with policy. Sometimes it begins with showing up, sharing information freely, and creating environments where people can be human together. When caregivers are supported, families are stronger and when families are stronger, communities thrive.

Santa Fam isn’t perfect, and it isn’t finished. It’s evolving alongside the families it serves, and alongside my own family. But it has reaffirmed something I deeply believe: the village doesn’t magically appear. We build it, intentionally, collectively, and with care.

And every time someone stops me and says, “I use your calendar every day,” I’m reminded why this work matters. If I can make one family’s day a little easier, manageable, or joyful, that is what true community is.

Meghan (she/her) is a mama, a first-generation Filipina American, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a friend, an impatient leader, an un-learner, and a community builder. She earned her MS in organizational leadership and BA in public relations and cultural psychology. She is the founder and principal of Tayo Marketing and Social, which provides DEI-informed marketing consulting, and Santa Fam, a resource and community for caregivers in Santa Fe.