Courtesy photo: Mother and daughter paddleboarding.
How do we nourish our child’s spiritual well-being?
By Betsy Lombard
When I was raising my children, it was helpful to know that “it takes a village.” That meant that I didn’t have to have all the answers. As my children widened their spheres of friendships, I became acquainted with music teachers, camp counselors, librarians, artists, school teachers, coaches, and other parents. Included in these meaningful connections were the friendships that we made at the Santa Fe Friends Meeting. In this Quaker community, my children played with other children and engaged in conversations around deep questions.
Through my experiences at home and my experiences with Friends, I grew to understand my parenting journey as a spiritual path. I could choose how to face the ever present joys and challenges of raising a family. By giving myself time to sit in expectant silence and becoming part of the Quaker community, I was nurturing my own spiritual well-being and modeling that for my children.
The values that I wanted my children to learn are the values promoted by Quaker teachers and writers. At the Santa Fe Friends Meeting, we have conversations and presentations that focus on simplicity, peace, integrity, community, equality, and stewardship. These “Quaker SPICES” often lead Friends to participate in community service and work in areas of social justice. Introducing children to the heritage of Lucretia Mott, Joan Baez, Rufus Jones, Elizabeth Fry, John Woolman, Bayard Rustin, and many others gives them stories of hope and empowerment.
One way that our family practiced our values was through community service. My children had opportunities to perform music for residents in assisted living facilities. Also, they found ways to help elderly neighbors. Each month our family met two other families in the kitchen at the St. Elizabeth’s Shelter. We cooked and assembled all of the dishes to be served for supper that evening. Then, we ate in the dining room and engaged in conversations with the guests who were experiencing an unhoused period in their lives.
One big lesson that I learned, and continue learning, is to listen. When I listened to my children, I could hear their worries, their hopes, their delights, and their dreams. When I listened to my children, I was hearing the voices of equals. I was honoring them as co-creators of our family. Sometimes I was teaching and sometimes they were the teachers.
Courtesy photo: Hiking with friends.
In our family meetings, my children and I took turns thanking each person around the table for something that person did or said that helped us in some way. We practiced gratitude.
Before eating supper, we would join our hands and have a silent moment of thanksgiving or sing a song together.
Maybe singing together deserves an entire paragraph as I reflect upon spiritual nourishment. I know that here in Santa Fe, Queen Bee Music Association has family sing-a-longs and the Santa Fe Public Library has music CD’s to borrow. My children and I learned songs from many different recordings and sang on road trips. I recommend recordings by John McCutcheon, Tom Chapin, Raffi, Tish Hinojosa, Rosenshontz, and Pete Seeger. It was especially fun to learn rounds and sing in harmony.
My children grew up as part of an extended family that reached across the entire continent. During visits, my children received hugs, lots of attention, and verbal affirmations. In between visits, we stayed in touch with letters and telephone calls. Because grandparents and cousins lived so far away, our family substituted loving relationships with multi-generational Friends. We formed these life-long bonds with Friends in our Quaker community. These are the people who love us no matter what, will help in times of need, and can call us if they need anything. And, we enjoy each other’s company.
I think that the time we spent in nature was important for nourishing wonder, curiosity, and spiritual well-being. A toddler can be overjoyed in a mud puddle. My family enjoyed stargazing and some very special early morning hours, bundled against the cold weather, looking at comets. We explored trails in the Pecos Wilderness and trails closer to Santa Fe.
Each summer the Friends meeting reserved a group site at the Santa Barbara Campground for a weekend of splashing in the river, finding animal tracks, identifying wildflowers, sharing meals, roasting marshmallows, and singing around the campfire. Annual trips to the west coast and east coast to visit extended family meant opportunities to swim in the ocean and observe sea creatures in tide pools. Gardening at home, we grew vegetables and flowers.
Courtesy Photo: In the river.
My children experienced the changing weather in Santa Fe with the seasons.
Responsibility for their pets helped my children connect with nature and experience a spectrum of emotions. Their loving bonds with their pets taught compassion. When each of my sons had his fifth birthday, he got to choose his own pet. Luckily, we lived in a house with a fenced yard. The first acquisition was a rabbit. Gallagher received lots of petting and hand-held treats. Every evening he had to be put back into his hutch to be safe. Then, we raised chicks and ducklings. My third son chose a puppy. Vida radiated unconditional love and was our constant companion on those long cross-country road trips. I suppose that the pets were part of the village that helped with my children’s spiritual development. Their pets provided lessons in love, play, forgiveness, and loss.
Conversations with my children around the topic of death occurred with the death of pets and at different times. They attended memorial services. There were times when they visited elderly relatives with failing health, near the end of their lives. They learned about relatives and friends dying from disease, accidents, and suicide. These were times when I would listen and ask my children to share their thoughts. We could cry together and tell stories.
There are many ways that parents and grandparents nourish their children’s spiritual development. Listening and being part of a loving community are great ways to start. I think that time in nature, music, friendships, pets, and sharing important moments in life were key in my children’s lives. Expressing gratitude and encouraging our children to be grateful can be central elements of spiritual health. Spiritual well-being is a life-long journey.
Courtesy photo: River joy.
Betsy Lombardi is a mother and grandmother, and is a retired public school teacher. She is the clerk of the Children and Youth Education Committee at the Santa Fe Friends Meeting.