Fostering is Bananas: Understanding the Layers of Support

Learning how to build your support system.

By Momma Kiki

Providing a person or family with assets in order to support them and help them function effectively.

/Su-pport-Sy-stem/ noun

Network of people who offer an individual or family practical or emotional support.

Four years ago, I began the foster care journey convinced that although I did not have a partner at the time, I would be able to do it alone. Foster care was always something I knew I would be doing, and it was my plan since I was 18 years old. Supporting children in need and being a resource for them filled my heart. But once I stepped into this journey, it was apparent to me that doing it alone was never going to be the case.

Any parent will tell you that bringing children into your home and your life not only affects you but all the people around you. This includes your family, friends, and your community. In the almost four years that I have been a licensed foster parent, there have been eight children that have come into my care, and each one made an impression. They connect with you as the parent figure, your partner, your parents, siblings, extended family, friends, and even your own children. When they leave, it breaks your heart and those around you, a unique form of grief comes over you for your loss, you fear for their future, you feel a sadness for those around you that made a connection, but you can also feel hope for the chance for them to rejoin and restart with those closest to them.

As a foster parent, you endure similar hardships that any parent goes through, but in your situation there will always be to a certain degree instances that are not relatable. You are not their parent, you are not a babysitter, you may know nothing about them, nor will you learn from their worker, and due to your circumstance you are being heavily monitored by others for how you care for them. And with all this comes unique troubles and uncharted territory. When things get really hard, all you can do is lean on those closest to you. Your partner is always the first person you turn to, because they are going through the same emotions and they are in your shoes. If you have a family like me, then they are the ones who you turn to next. Your parents can come in and provide you with respite care and relief. Your siblings can jump in and be the fun aunt or uncle who takes the kids for a quick treat and can give you the needed straight talk. Your extended family can add to that support and love. Your friends are the ones who you call for an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, or in a pinch in the middle of the night an emergency pack and play. Each of these people all play a critical role in how we as foster/resource parents are able to continue to do this as they are the foundation of a strong and necessary support system.

Being a foster family means juggling twice as many doctor appointments, home visits, therapy sessions, and school evaluations. Children in care often need additional support for their education, emotional health, and physical well-being. Researching and accessing these resources takes significant time and effort. Our family has benefited from various community resources, which have provided the necessary tools for a well-functioning home. While Santa Fe offers many resources, finding the right ones can be challenging and time-consuming. Here, I share the resources we use and trust, which have become integral to our support system.

TeamBuilders Behavioral Health

TeamBuilders supports adults, children, adolescents, and families at risk of behavioral health disorders. For more than two years, they have provided our family with weekly therapy, family support, respite care, and psychological assessments, which have been crucial for our children’s well-being. Their holistic approach has made them a key part of our support system. teambuilders.org

Presbyterian Medical Services Flores del Sol Head Start

PMS offers quality, accessible, integrated health, education, and human services. After a negative experience with another facility, we enrolled our 3-year-old in their Head Start program. Now, our child has graduated to kindergarten well-prepared emotionally, socially, and academically. pmsnm.org

Thrive Community School

Thrive is a diverse K-8 learning community that focuses on social and emotional learning and evidence-based teaching to advance educational equity. Our son, who struggled academically and behaviorally, has thrived here, ending the school year with straight A’s and a newfound love for learning. thriveschoolsf.org

Reading Quest

Reading Quest provides free literacy tutoring and social-emotional support. After two years of weekly sessions and summer camps, our child now reads at grade level and enjoys reading nightly. This organization is highly recommended for children needing reading assistance. readingquestcenter.org

Here are a few more resources we’ve used and highly recommend:

• New Mexico Friends of Foster Children provides birthday presents, scholarships, and family outings for foster families. nmffc.org
• Boys and Girls Club offers aftercare programs and seasonal camps for boys and girls ages 5 to 16. bgcsantafe.org
• The Food Depot/Diaper Depot distributes food weekly and diapers biweekly. thefooddepot.org
• Dentistry for Kids and Arroyo Chamiso Pediatrics (Christus) are health organizations for young children.
• Communities in Schools provides school-based programs supporting students with tutoring and resources. communitiesinschools.org
• City of Santa Fe, Recreation Division provides aftercare and seasonal camps.
• Big Brothers Big Sisters Mountain Region offers one-on-one mentoring. bbbsmountainregion.org
• Rainbow Road Therapies provides various therapies for adults and children. rainbowroadtherapiesnm.com
• Las Cumbres Community Services provides services for families facing social, emotional, and developmental challenges. lascumbres-nm.org
• Many Mothers offers support for women through pregnancy and early childhood. manymothers.org
• Queen Bee Music Association offers music programs for children ages 0 to 5, helping parents provide musical experiences at home. queenbeemusicassociation.org
• Growing up New Mexico & Dolly Parton Imagination Library provide free family support services and books for children aged 0 to 5. growingupnm.org
• Santa Fe Children’s Museum offers open play, birthday parties, and outdoor space. santafechildrensmuseum.org
• Del Norte LOV Foundation supports youth and families with financial literacy and nonprofit resources. delnortelovfoundation.org
• Santafam is the Instagram account of a local mom sharing resources and experiences in Santa Fe. @santafam

Are you a foster family or a parent who is in need of resources, reach out to Momma Kiki, and I can assist you in finding what you might need. We are all in this together.

Foster Momma Kiki grew up in a loving home right here in Northern New Mexico. A home that openly took in children and teens throughout her upbringing. She learned from her parents the selfless act of caring for others. She currently lives with her husband and their three children (5, 9, and 17) who they have recently adopted or are the legal guardians. You can connect with Momma Kiki at fostermommakiki@gmail.com.